Quote and Action of the day

“Do you know what the thing I love the most about my baby brother is?”

“No, what?”

“That his eyes are so full of wonder”

Awwww, doesn’t get more lovely than that huh?

The action of the day? I turned around to find Mr 9 drinking cold custard from a bowl…with a curly straw. Uh…what?! 

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Quote of the week, and keeping kids in check

We are all sick at the moment. I have a headache and sore throat with minor snot, Mr 9 has major snot and a sore throat, (but ADHD is irrepressible regardless of illness) the baby has snot and terrible conjunctivitis. Errgh.

I decided that we really had to venture out to the shops this afternoon to get more tissues and milk, as well as some saline solution to keep washing the baby’s eye out. We made it a quick one and we were all in our daggiest outfits…quite the picture of ‘white trash’ I assure you, in our trackies and ugg boots with red noses, un-brushed hair and a baby with green goop sticking his eye together!

In the store we gathered our few bits and headed to the check out. A little boy about 4 years old wandered in front of the trolley Mr 9 was pushing.

Mr 9: “Hey! Careful. Don’t walk in front of trolleys! That’s dangerous!”

The boy stopped, looked at him and then stepped right in front of the trolley again! Mr 9 gasped and stopped moving the trolley and glared at the child (rightly so..).

They boy stared back at Mr 9 and then walked forward and pushed the trolley away from himself! Uh Oh… I gathered myself for the inevitable storm. I nervously looked around for the boy’s parents. His mother was behind us in the line with her pram. She seemed unconcerned so I took a breath and crossed my fingers.

The boy moved back towards his mother, but not without poking his tongue out at Mr 9 on his way past! Eeek! To my son’s credit, he didn’t slam the trolley into the child. Nor did he try to trip the child over as he walked past or anything. He was however, very vocal about how horrible the child was and how stupid both he and his Mother were. The mother gathered her child and moved to another line. I tried to placate Mr 9 by assuring him that yes, I agreed the child was obnoxious, but no harm was done and no further action needed to be taken.  He continued to loudly complain about the boy’s behaviour and how he was now being bought treats at the check out and how he was lucky because he had a big toy car in his arms, but his behaviour was terrible. Then he started to say that he was going to go and talk to the mother because it was completely unacceptable.

I managed to calm him down and kind of guide him past the offending child and his mother while pointing out to him that while the child’s behaviour was not great, it wasn’t really any of his business to go and tell his Mother about it or make a fuss. He was very determined to go back and say something and kept looking behind as we walked away! That was our shopping adventure for the day!

Quote of the day:

There was an ad on TV for one of those shows where they ask kids questions and the kids give cute or funny answers. The presenter asked one kid “what is love?” and the kid replied, “do you mean what is it made of?”.

Mr 9 looked up from what he was doing and said in a scoffing voice.

“It’s made of chemicals!” Then under his breath a bit, “Oh and probably a lot of imagination.”


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A rather ODD conversation

So we were driving home from music therapy this afternoon and Mr 9 says,

“I really want to paint my bedroom door. When we get home I will make a Lego model of the pattern I want to do and you can approve it or not.”

Me: “tell you what sweety, the back of your door is your space. I will let you put whatever you want on there, but the side facing the hallway has to match all the other doors.”

Son: “but the back of the door is so small! There is a big mirror there!”

Me: “True. We can remove the mirror then, that’s not a problem.”

Son: “nope. Daddy uses it all the time as it’s just the right height for his face.”

Me: “Daddy won’t mind. There are plenty of other mirrors in the house. You just need to make sure you use paints we already have in the shed.”

Son: “Oh. Well that’s no good. We definitely won’t have the colours I need.”

Me: “I don’t know, we’ve got a lot of different paints in there.” Then I suddenly realised I wasn’t having a conversation with my son. I was having a conversation with his ODD (oppositional defiant disorder).

Me: “Sweety, do you realise what you are doing right now?”

Son: sighs deeply, “Yes”.

Me: “You are talking your way out of getting what you asked for. I just gave you permission to do what you want, with only two rules around it, but you are finding every negative thing to say about it.”

Son: “Yes. I know.”

Me: “Is that a good thing to do?”

Son: “no.”

Me: “So… Are you happy you are allowed to paint your door?”

Son: “Yes.” ……………………………..”but I definitely have to do it BEFORE I do any schoolwork.”

Me: “uhhh. No.”

Son: “See! I knew you wouldn’t let me!”

Ahh the joys! You will be pleased to know that he did eventually do his schoolwork and cleaned out the chicken house. Tomorrow he intends to paint his door. ;)

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Important lessons to teach your little brother

So, baby and big brother are sitting in the loungeroom together. Baby is watching Dorothy the Dinosaur and big brother is watching some rot for older kids on his tablet with his headphones. Suddenly big brother looks up and says,

“Just so you know A, technically that’s not being held at her ear. That’s her cheek” (the dinosaur was talking on a phone…)

Time passes a bit and he looks up again.

“Hmm… A… make sure when you leave a house you don’t just pull the door closed like that. You need to lock it! She might come back to find all her rosy tea gone or something!”

Of course the baby isn’t too concerned about all this important information, but I found it highly amusing. ;)

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Anxiety Avoidance or Processing Issues?

Sometimes it’s really tricky to work out where certain behaviours are coming from with my Mr 9. Sure, we can pretty much see the ADHD stuff and the low self esteem stuff. We also think we’ve sussed the anxiety for the most part. Today though he was doing stuff that got me thinking about why and when he does certain things.

This week has been really great. He’s been positive and happy and compliant (well, compliant for him but I’d bet that people with ‘regular’ kids wouldn’t agree that he’s compliant!). We’ve got through a bunch of schoolwork which has finally meant we’ve jumped up to the year 4 science book and social studies book. This has been great for him as he’s less bored and doesn’t feel like it’s so ‘babyish’, therefore he’s more engaged with the material and less likely to argue about doing it.

We went off to trampoline class today with a good attitude and he asked me not to come into the room as he was going to do his lesson just fine without me there. Great! I was happy to accommodate his wishes on that one! He did do most of the class really awesomely. There was just one bit at the end where he said his back hurt and another bit where he argued and was a bit rude to the teacher. We were discussing why he does that and we’ve both noticed that it’s fairly consistent with him being asked to do something new. So. From that we can be pretty sure that his anxiety of doing something new makes him argue and be rude. What about the ‘I’m hurt’ thing? Well. Anxiety and avoidance can of course explain that. However, I had another thought today.

I think think that perhaps he uses the time where he’s lying down quietly saying he’s hurt to allow himself time to process the new instructions without anyone knowing that he didn’t quite get exactly what was asked of him immediately. We do know that he struggles with processing instructions at times. It’s very hard to pick because he jumps so fast into doing things when given an instruction. Some of that is because of his ADHD just making his impulse control less. Some of it is that he is clever and really does catch on quick to a lot of things and wants to get going and jump in. So with those two things, I guess it’s probably really frustrating and embarrassing for him when he does need a bit of extra time to process an instruction. I know you can get that stuff tested and one day I might just do that, but for now, I think we’ll allow and accept that sometimes when he is pretending he’s hurt, he is just buying time and saving face at the same time. Hmmm. Nothing is simple with this kid! ;) At least we’ve had a great week and he’s feeling a bit better about it all.

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Blurred lines

It is definitely getting longer between posts lately, which is a shame because actually there is more stuff to write about at the moment

! Let’s start with a general update on the new baby and the big brother’s handling of that. Mr 9 loves this baby so much that he is willing to listen and slow down and follow instructions as long as he gets to carry and cuddle the baby. There are also drawbacks to this intense level of love. So far everyone else who deals with the baby isn’t good enough in Mr 9’s eyes and grandparents are at severe risk of copping a verbal beating if the baby utters a cry while being looked after by them! This is causing me some difficulty at the moment in getting babysitters…or more to the point Mr 9 allowing certain baby sitters or not.

The title of today’s post comes from something Mr 9 said to me the other day. He was making a video record of his life (which by his own account sucks). He pointed the camera at me and said,

“Say something Mummyish!”

Me: “Ok. When you have finished that, you need to do two pages of science”

Son: “That is NOT Mummyish, that is teacherish! Try again!”

Me: with a thousand thoughts of realisation about blurred lines and how I have blurred them going through my mind, “ok. I’m sure your video will be wonderful my darling beautiful boy!”

Son:  grinning “Good. That’s much more like a mummy!”

And so I spent the rest of the afternoon lamenting how homeschooling has often taken away the time and patience I need to spend with my son being his mum and forced me into the role of his teacher.

Sadly his learning difficulties do mean that it is hard to get him to do enough traditional ‘output’ in a day to satisfy the current societal ideals of what a child should know by a certain age. Every now and then I doubt what we are doing when people question me on this, but then I do some research into learning and brain development and remind myself that these are really just non meaningful expectations set by a schooling system that doesn’t really work for many kids in the long run. He can read, he can think. He hates learning because his experience of it was so negative while in the schooling system. It is going to take a few years to undo that and help him understand that he loves learning  when it is present in a free and interesting way. That doesn’t make it any easier for me on an everyday basis though. And that’s how I have fallen into the trap of being teacherish rather than Mummyish. I hope I can slowly undo that mistake and learn to let go of the expectations of other people who don’t understand how my son works.

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Quote of the Week

We are looking after a neighbour’s new puppy while she is at work.

Son: “She likes it on the lounge!”

Me: “She’s not allowed on the lounge, put her on the floor please. You can sit with her on the floor on some cushions.”

Son: “But! She likes it here! It won’t hurt for now!”

Me: “I don’t want her smell on my lounge or her sharp claws please. Just put her on the floor on her cushion with you.”

Son: complies….”Aww she likes it here too, and it’s really comfy for me too on her cushion!”

Me: “Totes”.

Son: “No more ‘totes’ for the rest of the day! You get one a day, you are sounding like a teenager!”

hee hee hee hee.

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