Sometimes just when I get a little bit too complacent or pleased with myself or my sons progress, something happens just to remind me that he isn’t quite there yet. That happened today.
We’ve had a pretty awesome week being the first week of our proper homeschooling schedule. Of course he argued but not much really and he did everything set on our schedule. Today we needed to see our Dr to get a health care plan thing so we can get some financial help for his occupational therapy which costs $100 a week. You only get help for five session in a year but hey it all adds up!
So we were in the Dr’s room and of course I had to tell her all his issues again so she could put together the right wording for the care plan document. Now my son really doesn’t like it when I talk about his problems. I had already prepared him that we would be talking about it but that it was only to help with OT, which he loves.
First he started playing with the adjustable bed in the room. Then throwing toys around a bit. I told him to stop and I acknowledged that we were talking about stuff he didn’t like. I had to catch hold of him because he was starting to touch stuff he shouldn’t and being unsafe.
Then the wild animal came out. He scratched me and drew blood. He bit me and left a bruise. He head butted me in the chin. I restrained him.
It wasn’t the physical stuff that hurt me, I was just so disappointed that he still could do that! I really thought we had got him past all that stuff. I thought he had moved on to being able to feel strong feelings and use words instead of physically expressing his annoyance.
It kind of makes me feel as if he may never truly be past that. There may always be an unexpected situation where he loses it. What if that’s with someone other than me? What if it’s some other child he does it to? Sad. Will I ever be able to trust him to be left with other people in circumstances which might upset him in that way?
I guess before, he would do that for almost anything. Now it’s rare for him to react in that way. I’m still actually trying to work out what I might have done or said differently to prevent it. Maybe nothing. I don’t really know. I just know it sucks.