Casualties of War

Hi blog world. I haven’t visited for a while. Hectic times 🙂 As the title suggests, there was a war… and there were casualties. I, sadly was the main casualty. My injuries? A very sore left side of my jaw with bruised and swollen cartilage.

Back to the beginning. Last time I posted, my son had had a set back in his behaviour at school, hopefully due to a reaction to his medication. I decided after speaking to his Dr that he would be kept at home that Friday, and the following Monday, giving him a full 4 days of relaxing and chilling out at home. I hoped that would give him time to get some of the meds out of his system. He had a lovely time at home. He was happy, and he played and even participated in some written workbook exercises.

On Tuesday, the school was having an athletics carnival. Now for children with anxiety disorders, who go a bit bonkers in large outdoor places, and with lots of other kids around, these are not the best situation. I knew this going into it, and decided to go with him as his support person.

The day started out well. I told him that he didn’t need to worry about anything today. I was there, and if he wanted to participate he could, and I would be there whatever happened. He was doing great. Listening to the instructions of where he needed to be and what to do.

He did decided to participate in the first running race. I started to notice the strain of his decision when he saw that particular boy he always has difficulty being nice to and started saying quite mean things about him to me. I dealt with that situation appropriately, and we moved onto the side of the track to cheer on the girls who were racing first.

He lined up and did his race. He is not really designed for short sprint type races, which is a shame as he’s a really good long distance runner, but they didn’t have any longer races for the little ones. He came in 5th I think, so second last perhaps. He immediately put his head down and said under his breath, “last again! I knew it! Of course I would come last! I’m so stupid” 😦 sad to hear that out of your six year old. He pulled himself together quite well though and then said he only wanted to watch now and didn’t want to participate any more. I agreed and suggested that we wait around and there might be something he wants to try later.

It wasn’t long before he started getting bored and wandering off, and trying to get in the way of things. I managed to convince him to have a little go at skipping as there were a bunch of kids doing that in between racing. He’s not great at skipping due to lack of practice, but he took that well. We then went over to try out a golf game his year was playing. They had to hit a large plastic ball with a huge golf stick up a small hill to hit or get near a flag. I could see that the really thought he was going to be able to do this, and successfully. He waited his turn in line, and had a go. He hit the ball, but not far. I managed to get him to pass the club to the next kid in the line. He started stomping his feet and screwing up his face. He was winding up.

I said all the right encouraging things and then helped some of the other boys out, since our line wasn’t being supervised by any adults and the turn taking was getting a little out of hand, and kids were being hit with the clubs as they were standing too close to the hitter! My son decided to wait his turn and try again.

This time, he swung and missed. Twice. Oh dear. He was sent into a rage of disappointment at his own inability to do this seemingly simple thing. He of course didn’t notice that there were maybe two out of the eight kids in his line who could actually hit the ball!

I chased after him and brought him in to me. He started fighting with me. He started scratching, biting, kicking my shins and trying to turn around and spit in my face. I wrapped him up tight and started saying that I knew how frustrated he was.  I should have let him run alone a little bit, and I really shouldn’t have said what I said next….

Me: “Sweetie, when you missed that ball, I know it made you feel stupid. You thought the boys were laughing at you because you missed, but they were only laughing because it was fun and almost everyone was missing and then laughing about it. You really thought you were going to be able to do that, and it didn’t work out, so now you are feeling pretty angry and stupid, and I understand that. You need to let me help you calm down a bit and stop fighting me.”

Sigh… I shouldn’t have pointed out that he felt stupid. He doubled his fighting efforts and started thrashing his head backwards at me. I wasn’t quite ready for it, and his head connected with my chin, bashing my jaw to the left and up, damaging the cartilage and causing rather a lot of pain. 😦

I had to wrestle him face down on the grass into a safe hold position until he was calmer, as I really didn’t want to get hurt again. I decided we had better leave the carnival and go home. I had to call my husband home from work so he could stay with our son while I went to the dentist to make sure my jaw was going to be OK.

Every time something like that happens, I start thinking about home schooling and just not putting him through these types of situations. I know that he has to have some social exposure and exposure to failure in order to learn and progress, but is this really worth it? I have committed to keep him at school until the end of the year, and we of course want to see what happens when the medication leaves his system and then we start again at the lower dose which seemed to be starting to help. So at the end of the year, we can start making some serious decisions. If his progress is not great, and he’s still not really learning anything at school, and just spending all the time with his Aide, or playing by himself inside at lunchtime, then I think I really need to find another option.

I am a very capable teacher, but it would basically mean that I have no respite or time to do anything at all that I need to or want to do. Hopefully, if it came to that, I could just do it for a couple of years, and maybe maturity and good success with learning will mean he can start easing back in to school at a later stage.

Lots to think about.

On a brighter note, we have done stage two of the cubby house and I will blog about that tomorrow!

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