Indecision. Separation.

Monday was great! He did his speech and was the best in the class receiving a blue reward card and everything! He even participated in some group activities. Tuesday, not so great. Refused to do any work, was really mean to another boy and got shouted at by a teacher. Oh well, one day at a time we say. This morning we were running a little late and he didn’t want to walk fast to school so I gave him a piggyback all the way (even though I have a sinus infection and cough!)

We got there just after the morning bell had rung and although there were still lots of kids arriving, he clung on and wouldn’t go to his line. As all the kids filed nicely out of the playground into class, I was left fighting with my son to try to detach him. I really wished I hadn’t worn a bright red furry hooded jumper this morning! Most parents politely looked away. He kept saying “don’t push me away! You are pushing me away!” and that’s where it gets hard. Obviously he was upset and anxious and needed my support, but at the same time he needs to let go and go into class. His aide was there ready to take him off me. I knelt down and validated his feelings. I apologized that we were a little late and said I understood how that makes him feel unsettled.

I then said I would walk him to the edge of the bitumen and then he had to let go. We did walk. He didn’t let go.

In the end two teachers unhooked his fingers and I walked away with him screaming and crying behind me. Arghhh. It’s awful! I can just imagine his feelings watching my back retreat like that when he needs me! On the other hand, he has to go to school and I can’t stand there talking him through letting go of me every time. Or can I? I’m pretty sure the teachers won’t let me.

They say things to him like “mum needs to go now. She has lots of things to do. Mums got important things to do now, lets go”
But what does that tell him? How could I possibly have anything more important to do than look after and be with him? Doesn’t that tell him that he’s not important enough for me to spend time helping him? It’s very tricky, and hard work.

Anyway, same old stuff for me I guess. Now I must try and have a rest and see if I can get into a happier frame of mind before pick up this afternoon.
I still envy people who can just drop their kids at school and get on with their day. Wasn’t meant to be my kind of life I guess!

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2 Responses to Indecision. Separation.

  1. Alexa says:

    Sometimes we need to understand that every
    Mum ,in any species in the animal kingdom , has to push kids away so they can fly solo.
    Is the patten of life. Some teacher told me many
    Years ago that once we get at school parents should let teacher do their job and that is to settle our kids to the school routine. I was not agree…. Correction, I still trying to comfort my kids in hectic mornings and tell them how they r going to have a great day at school and how their friends would feel disappointed if they see that you don’t want to stay. I look at them in their eyes and let go. ( it hurts like ingrow nail … Every step every second i feel guilty and It’s unfair how they can forget in 15 min about the morning and we suffer for pushing my little chick away… It’s odd

    • KL says:

      Hi. Yes it is hard you are right. I guess I just feel sorry for myself because in my sons case, there are no friends who will be disappointed so I can’t say that to him, and he most likely won’t have a great day either. Poor little fella. Thanks for reading and for caring. 🙂

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