The Unmistakable Undies on Backwards Phenomenon

Having just discovered, after an entire day of thinking that my bum must have increased in size due to the fact that my knickers were creeping ‘up’ constantly today whereas previously they didn’t, that in my dottery old age, I must have put my knickers on backwards this morning I am left thinking about undies and various experiences with them!

Throughout my lifetime I have ventured into many and varied underwear trends. There were the large ones with thick elastic which rose almost to my bellybutton in my younger days. This moved on into the g-string (or thong if you are American), a particular style of undies which I never really embraced as something sensible or comfortable to wear, but I still replaced my entire collection with lovely g-strings and wore nothing but them for quite a number of years. I think boyfriends and husbands are more interested in the g-string than the wearers themselves, but there you go.

I remember being almost relieved and delighted when fashion changed to the french style knicker which is a little bit larger than a g-string but still shows a ‘flirty’ bit of bottom. Now that I’m in my mid-thirties, I am really excited about the new ‘boy leg’ style which basically means instead of knickers I can just about wear shorts under my clothes! They also have the lovely hipster or low waisted variety of knickers now so that you only have to worry about the size of your bum and not your belly! However, when you put them on backwards in the morning because you haven’t paid enough attention, it is definitely a recipe for an uncomfortable day, not to mention the blow to your self esteem when you think your bum has grown overnight to exceed the capacity of your previously perfectly fitting undies!

Talking of undies, I am reminded of a time when I took my little boy to England to visit my Grandfather for his 80th birthday and we did a day trip into London. I took my son to the toilet only to discover that he had come for the entire 4 hour drive and spent all day wearing no less than 8 pairs of undies under his jeans!!! When I asked him why he had done that, he simply said, “I don’t know it was all the undies in the bag”. Like that answer should be quite enough explanation on its own! I suspect that he perhaps couldn’t decide which colour to wear? Or maybe his bum was cold that morning? Who knows, but it certainly made me laugh and then I had to carry 7 pairs of undies around in my little messenger style bag for the rest of our day in London! Strange child!

There was also that time when my son came into my room when he was about 3 and proceeded to ask me questions while I was trying to get dressed.

Son: “Mummy how come Daddy has shorts, I have undies and you have those?” (he was referring to a frilly pair of french knickers I was donning at the time)

Son: “Where do you put your willy? Why is your willy flat?”

Me: “Girls don’t have willies, we can wear different undies”

Son: “Oh yeah. I forgot. You have a bagina right?”

Me: “Yeah, sort of (trying not laugh) now get out while I get dressed please!”

Son: “But why can’t boys have undies with flowers and that frilly stuff?”

Me: “They can, they just don’t usually want to! Now OUT!”
All the while I was fighting to try and stop him from using his hands to lift my butt cheeks upwards I think in some kind of attempt to discover why the undies I was wearing didn’t actually cover my butt completely like his did!
I now always try to make sure I have pants on before he finds me in the morning so I don’t have to face similar questions or comments such as a fairly recent one…
“mummy. Even if your bum is bumpy and you are a bit fat in your tummy I still love you!”
My goodness! I’m glad he does still love me but honestly! Where does he get these ideas from in the first place?!

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