Swings and roundabouts…Why is change so difficult?

Although my son did stay at school today for 2.5 hrs, which is an improvement for Mondays at his ‘integration’ school, and although he did go to his martial arts class and pass his grading to get his next belt, and despite the EXTREME excitement of all of this on his part. I find myself with nothing much to blog about today. Perhaps because I’m too tired as I tried very hard to live by my realisation about naughty children and naughty puppies and took the puppy for two 45 minute walks today. Suffice it to say that I myself am not used to doing two 45min walks in a day. I am not the most unfit person the planet, nor am I overweight in any way shape or form, but damn it’s exhausting when you try to live life by the standards to which you think you should be living!

As I blogged the other other day about my mail opening habits and my ‘filing’ techniques, I have been thinking more and more on the subject of rules that you set yourself for living. Now the more I think about it, the more I believe that many of my expectations of myself and my life and how it should all be working come from television and magazines rather than from any form of reality!

I find that I am constantly disappointed with myself for things I don’t seem to be able to do. I guess the biggest and most life changing example is having a child. In my ‘dream’ I was supposed to have this amazing and beautiful prodigy of a child who would be perfect in every way. I would get up each day and make a nutritious and healthy breakfast for the family before getting them all ready for school and work and then dressing myself in my very expensive and lovely suit and heels, I would hop into my mercedes 4wd and drop my child/children at their very expensive private school before heading off to my rewarding and high earning job. Sigh. Yes. I know. I sound like a breakfast cereal commercial!

Well it didn’t quite turn out that way, and this is where life starts to get hard. You either have to accept the fact that life isn’t going to work out how you dreamed and you move on and love life how it is, or you stay disappointed forever and make yourself and everyone around you miserable.

So I modified my ‘dream’ when I realised that I had a child who wasn’t going to be able to go to a lovely private school (well not yet anyway), and that I wouldn’t be able to afford a private school anyway because I was forced to quit my successful and ….ok not so rewarding career just to have enough time and patience to cope with him in a productive and loving manner! – I did used to have the lovely suits and heels, but no mercedes.

“Ok” I thought, “I’ll change it up!” So my new dream consisted of me being a house Mum who would get up earlier than everyone each morning in order to walk the dog and make everyone a nutritious and healthy breakfast, then get everyone ready and sent off to wherever they needed to go. Then I would come home and clean the whole house so that my house would never be messy again and everything would always be in perfect order. After picking my son up from school I would play with him and not get annoyed and frustrated with him. I would then proceed to make a spectacular and healthy dinner and have it on the table just as my husband walks through the door at 6pm each night. (Somewhere in there I think I might have seen myself as a secret agent with weapons in the oven as well…) Sigh again.

I haven’t changed much from my core personality though. I still drag myself out of bed about 30 minutes later than both the child and the dog, when I can no longer stand the shouts coming from the lounge room of “MOPPEETTTTT!!!! GET DOWN!”. Pffft as if I’ll ever get up before anyone else and walk the dog that early in the morning!

I will give myself credit for making healthy breakfast (I say ‘no’ to fruit loops and ‘yes’ to weetbix heated in the microwave.. that counts right?). I do get everyone ready. I drive the boy to school and kiss the husband goodbye. I walk the dog AFTER school drop off.

I come home and I sometimes clean the house, but more often than not I am still getting everyone to do their part on the weekend. I do the grocery shopping… usually by myself but sometimes I get husband to do that on the weekend too. I do have dinner ready and on the table most nights, which I am very proud of since before this change I was an expert at spaghetti bolognese and KFC or McDonalds! Now I have extended my repertoire to include sausage, eggs, mashed potato and peas. Just kidding! I cook all sorts of things these days!

Anyway, this blog is getting long and I need to get to the point! The point I guess, is that no matter the goals I seem to set, they are always unreachable. Well, for me anyway. Since I’m not lazy or stupid, or useless at all, it makes me wonder whether the problem is that the images I am presented with of how to be the perfect housewife and mother are completely unattainable. Or is that just my excuse and I’m sticking to it?

Think about it though before you decide that you are not meeting the required standard of ‘life in 2011″

KL

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One Response to Swings and roundabouts…Why is change so difficult?

  1. Follow MeElmo says:

    Happy wife happy life, that’s my motto and I’m happy to stick to it

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